poundlandprincess











{October 30, 2012}   Weight Related – A Serious Post Today.

 

I have found this really difficult to write today and I have deleted paragraph after paragraph, I am by no means a writer and I’m not much of a talker come to think of it so I really hope I get my points across without offending anyone. I will most likely end up deleting at some point.

Obesity is a problem in the UK there is no denying it. I can’t be arsed to look for official figures but I think I can make a safe guess that the treatment of obesity related illness cost the tax payer a hefty sum each year, I think its great that as a country we have recognized there is a problem and are taking measures to fix it but I find myself on the opposite side and there is very very little professional help for me.

I am 33 years old and five foot one in height up until 18 months ago I was a healthy UK size 10 and had been all of my adult life.  I wasn’t skinny, just slim and healthy. I was lucky that I could pretty much eat whatever I liked in large quantities if I chose to do so, I didn’t really excercise or work at maintaining my weight, I guess it was just natural. I am so desperate to get back to that size 10.

About 18 months ago I noticed that I had to start wearing a belt with most of my jeans, I wasn’t worried to begin with, but then as the weeks went by my clothes got bigger on me and looked silly so I had to buy size 8s, after six months or so I visited my GP as I became worried at the speed of my weight loss, my diet and life style had not changed and there was no obvious cause for the loss. The doctor ran tests for things like diabetes but they all came back clear, which brought both relief and anxiety as I didnt know what was happening to my body.

Over the following months my weight loss continued, it didn’t help that I lost my Dad very suddenly in January, I had conflicted feelings during the aftermath of his death and I didn’t eat healthily during this time, I got throught it by smoking a lot and drinking coffee, it got to march and my size 8 clothing was now too big for me and I had been holding my jeans up with belts for some time so I made another visit to the doctors, I weighed 8st (112 pound), he diagnosed me with anxiety issues and put me on anti depressants. He did what he thought was right I guess but I knew that my anxiety was a symptom of my weight loss not the cause of it, never the less I took the tablets and nothing changed apart from I felt even more tired due to the side affects of the medication, I would drop my Daughter at school and come home and sleep on the couch for most of the day.

Around this same point my friends and family started noticing the change in my weight and commenting on it,  some could genuinley not understand why I was unhappy losing weight and I’ll be honest and say one of my closest friends was jealous. People seem to think a skinny girl is fair game to make comments on. I felt I would have got more sympathy and understanding if I had been gaining weight and heading for obesity. My doctor took me off the medication after a few months as it was doing nothing for me and sent me on my way and I’ve just plodded along.

I had to visit the doctors last week for birth control pills and I now weigh 6st 13 (97 pounds) and I am wearing a UK size 6 clothing, which are starting to feel loose around the waist. I’ve lost two stone (28 pounds) over 18 months, two stone that I didnt have on my body to lose. I laugh off the jokes aimed at me from people who dont even know me but it really does hurt. Im fed up of telling people that I am not annorexic. I hate eating out in large groups as the amount I eat is commented on. You wouldn’t do it with an overweight person and its not ok to do it with an underweight one.

To be totally honest I don’t like myself much right now and flinch when I catch sight of my body in the mirror. My face is hollow and my bones stick out all over the place, I have very low energy and feel so tired all of the time, I’ve recently noticed my hair is thinning,  I don’t sleep a lot but when I do I struggle to wake up.  My Husband is really worried about me and I don’t like making him feel worried for me, I’m grateful he knows that I am not doing this to myself but it still makes me feel bad. I worry that my little girl may think its normal to look like this and will develop an eating disorder in the future  as a result. I dont feel like I’m being the Wife and Mother that my family deserve. I recognise that I can’t go on like this, I am going to end up seriously ill if I continue to lose weight at this rate but I’ve no idea where I am supposed to turn for help.

If you made it this far then Thank You.

Advertisements


nattan323 says:

Oh my gosh. I hope you stop losing weight. I understand your worries about your daughter and about your body. Go to the doctor again and ask for more tests. There has to be a reason for your weight loss. I really hope everything works out for you.



thank you so much for your comment, I think Im going to have to try and be more assertive with my doctor, Im uncomfortavle with confrontation and a part of me is scared of getting wrongly diagnosed with annorexia, Im finding hard to convince people thats not the problem without a doctor putting the label on me too.



nattan323 says:

I know what you mean. I don’t like confrontation. You should be more assertive and make sure they dont misdiagonise you as anorexic. I think it can be hard sometimes to get doctors to really look into things because they sometimes feel like they will be right just because they have a degree in that area. My sister spent ages trying to get tests done because she thought she was allergic to so many things. She kept going to the doctor until they finally gave in and ran tests. Turns out, she is allergic to egg and gluten as well as many other things. It is definitely worth being assertive, especially when its about your body.



Thank you. I have set my alarm so I can get up early and make an appointment, hopefull I’ll get seen by my gp before xmas



nattan323 says:

I hope you do =] I really hope you find out what’s causing it anf get better.



Wow. I am obese. I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. I had lost a lot of weight at one point,as my entire life my weight has been a struggle. I was happy then and in 2008, I was diagnosed with OCD and put on anti-anxiety meds. I gained about 30 pounds in two months and it kept creeping up and up. Now, I am at my heaviest, trying to get off of the meds, and get into a healthier lifestyle. Though I am happy now, I have a good job and a wonderful husband, I know that my weight affects my life and will continue to do so. Have you thought of seeing a therapist or nutritionist? I have no idea what else you could do.



Its something that I have thought of but you need to be refered by your gp to see them and I suspect that he suspects my problem is annorexia so the fear of being wrongly diagnosed with that is kind of keeping me away, I had hoped my anxiety meds would have helped me gain weight and I was dissappointed that they didnt. I’m going to have to grow a pair of balls and be more assertive with my gp I think.
How are you coping with the OCD, do you find your medication helps?



The OCD is hard. I never had “rituals” which is the problem most people think of when they hear OCD. My OCD manifests in obsessive thoughts that go constantly. My mind runs very quickly, which is fun when I can be witty and smart, but it can also go in a negative direction. Meds helped a lot but the side effects are awful. One medication made me so foggy and I started to lactate (no baby involved!) so I had to be taken off of it. I gained about 80 pounds over 4 years. I never felt full. Now, I am almost off the meds (5 mg of Paxil/day vs. 40 mg/day) and I forget to eat which leads to hypoglycemic episodes. I also get anxious in crowds. I am easily annoyed, too. It has been difficult trying to get used to stressors without the meds. My husband is a saint for putting up with me and calls me out on my bitchiness (thank goodness) but I feel bad because I feel everything more strongly now. It’s very bizarre. I think you need to maybe talk to someone. I find that has helped me the most.



Yea I would go back to the docs. But are you actively trying to eat more?Some people have to work hard to eat more which sounds really alien to some people. If the doctor rules out anything health related then maybe looking on the net to find which foods, and combinations could help you gain weight in a healthy way. Build up shakes are also an option. Eat meets and fats and look up energy sources.
x



I am trying to eat more but its difficult, I’m one of those who has to work at it, it just feels wrong eating when Im not hungry, I reckon my diet is pretty balanced, I have three meals a day with snack in between.
Thank you for your advice on searching the net and build up shakes are something I would never have thought of, Thanks again x



I’m so moved by what you wrote, you are so BRAVE to put that out there. I really really hope things turn around for you. And yes, be more assertive with your dr. tell him/her what YOU want don’t let him/her lecture you. Best of luck with this, I’ll be thinking of you!



Thank you so very much for your kind words, I appreciate it.



Aw! I hope you don’t delete this! It needs to be said. I hope that getting this off your chest has helped relieve some of your anxiety. Maybe you should keep a food diary. Just like with overweight/obese people you may not realize what’s going in. Just because you feel like you’re eating more doesn’t necessarily mean more calories are coming in.
Protein shakes are a good way to get a lot of calories and protein (obviously haha) without making yourself feel like your forcing yourself to eat.
I hope you and your doc can figure this out. The unfortunate thing about our bodies is, you’re worried about what the doc will say about your weight loss so you are in turn likely stressing your body out more exacerbating the problem.
On a very light side note, I’ll give ya some of my poundage! ;-)
You’re in my thoughts!
-Coral



Thank you so very much. I had been thinking of a food diary and you are right about the worrying, that is probably making the weight loss worse.
Thanks again for your lovely comment.



bubblegumandpink says:

i’m so sorry you’re going through this, i really hope that you feel better soon..although i know that will probably be a struggle.
i think a nutritionist sounds like a really good idea! you obviously are not happy with yourself so i think it would be a good place to start, to start getting back into a good eating habbit.

xxxx



Thank you very much, I didnt expect this many replies. Im touched by everyones kind words.



Mike10613 says:

Hi,

Ask to be referred to hospital. I was always under weight. It turned out to be coeliac disease and even when that was diagnosed. I was still sick. I became very ill, I’m much better now, but a lot of damage was done that can’t be fixed. You can lose weight because of anxiety, but they should check for things like coeliac disease, malabsorption syndrome, lactose intolerance and even pancreatic function. If you have any other symptoms, like tiredness or particularly digestive problems then you need a specialist. Good luck with it.



tiredness is a big problem for me, I can’t tell you how tired I feel all the time.
Thanks for your tips and I’ll mention them if I can get an appointment this side of 2013.



Its Good To Talk .....

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: